Our hope in Jesus changes how we love

Blog written by Matt McCoy

Artwork by Jessie Bloss

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5 minute read

A few years ago,

I started a real estate development company with some friends, and one of the best business decisions we made was to hire an executive coach (his name is Mark Warren (pictured), and you can find him HERE).

The reason why we hired an executive coach was based on an observation I’ve made in light of the decades of experience I have in business and in life: We’re going to quit working with each other, not because we made money or lost money, but because we’ve become sick of each other.

And, most likely, we’ll become sick of each other because of hurt feelings and unmet (and unrealistic) expectations, and not being able to talk about it.

So Mark, our coach, helps us learn how to do the little things and big things that keep resentment from building up due to hurt feelings and unmet (and unrealistic) expectations. He teaches us how to be honest and clear about our commitments to ourselves and to each other. He trains me how to initiate with my teammates when I’m not going to be able to keep a commitment before the deadline. We’re discovering how to hold each other accountable in ways that invite us into a deeper friendship and allow us to work towards the common good.

There’s an interesting similarity between executive coaching and marriage counseling.

Four different times during the course of our twenty-four years of marriage, Denise and I have benefited from marriage counseling. The reason why we hired a marriage counselor was because we’d gotten stuck. What got us stuck wasn’t tragedy or trauma, but because of hurt feelings and unmet (and unrealistic) expectations and not being able to talk about it.

So our marriage counselors over the years have helped us learn how to do the little things and big things that keep resentments from building up due to hurt feelings and unmet (and unrealistic) expectations. They taught us how to be honest and clear about our commitments to ourselves and to each other. They trained us how to initiate with each other about our feelings, wants, needs, and everything else. Denise and I continue to discover how to walk through life in deeper friendship and love with each other.

There’s an interesting similarity between executive coaching, marriage counseling, and Palm Sunday.

The ancient Israelites had unmet (and unrealistic) expectations about what the Messiah was going to do. Everybody had the expectation that the Messiah was going to kill the Romans and give them their land back. So, after Jesus brought Lazarus back from the dead and then headed to Jerusalem for the Passover, everybody KNEW that Jesus=Messiah=kill the Romans at Passover!

In the ancient world, when a victorious warrior returned from having conquered their enemies, the grateful population would line the streets and wave palm branches as a sign of gratitude.

So when Jesus, fresh off the Lazarus resurrection miracle, entered Jerusalem at Passover, the Israelites waved palm branches in anticipation of Jesus killing the Romans. They chanted…

“Save us now!” as Jesus walked through the streets.

Fun translation moment:

Would you like to chant “save us now!” in the same words they used in their language?

You would chant, “Hosanna!”

The Story of Palm Sunday in Matthew 21:6-17
So the disciples went and did exactly what Jesus told them to do. They brought out the donkey and the colt, and they laid their cloaks upon them, and Jesus hopped on. Nearly everyone who was there spread their cloaks on the road, while others cut branches from the trees and threw them along his path. Crowds went ahead and crowds followed, chanting:
“Save us now, Son of David!
It’s our hero, the One who comes in God’s Name!
Save us now, bring us heaven!”

And he entered into Jerusalem, and all the whole city was stirred up, asking, “Who is this?” And the crowd was saying, “This is the prophet Jesus, the one from Nazareth of Galilee.” And Jesus came into the temple and cast out all the vendors and the customers in the temple. And he kicked over the tables of the money changers and the stalls of the dove merchants. And he quoted, “It is written, ‘My house will be called a house of prayer, but you have made it a hangout for insurrectionists.’”

Now there was room for the blind and the crippled in the temple, and they came to him and he healed them. When the Chief Priests and the Religious Leaders saw what wonders he did, and saw the children chanting in the temple ‘Save us now, Son of David,” they were furious, and took him to task, “Don’t you hear what these children are saying?!?!” “Of course. Haven’t you read that ‘From the mouths children and even babies I have prepared a place of praise.’” So Jesus turned on his heel and left for Bethany, where he spent the night.

It’s no wonder that when, a few days later, Jesus gets arrested by the Romans (instead of killing the Romans), they change their chant to “Crucify him!”

If he’s not going to meet their unmet (and unrealistic) expectations of him, then they don’t want to have anything to do with him.

And so we discover that the effects of not being honest about hurt feeling and unmet (and unrealistic) expectations are so very similar in my business relationships, my marriage, and the ancient world.

We are all hurting people who hurt people. Our disappointment and resentment can blind us from seeing what people are actually doing, and keeps us from loving ourselves and each other. Sin continues to affect us all.

Our hope in Jesus changes how we love.

When the church gathers together to remember the story of Palm Sunday, we remember how Jesus doesn’t hate all the same people we hate. Jesus doesn’t fix all our problems. Jesus doesn’t come as a victorious warrior in the way that we want him to.

Jesus empties himself of his power, joins us in our powerlessness, and changes all of us through his transformational love.

When we gather together, we’ll be given palm crosses to remember to place our hope in what Jesus is actually doing, rather than getting focused on what I want Jesus to do for us. And we’ll keep those palm crosses throughout the year, and burn them together at our Ash Wednesday service next year.

As I learn to hope in what Jesus is actually doing, I discover that I love my wife better.

As my heart gets reoriented to what Jesus is doing, I’m better able to pay attention to what Denise is actually doing, and we’re able to be more honest with ourselves and each other.

As I learn to hope in what Jesus is actually doing, I discover that I’m able to care for my business partners better.

As my heart gets reoriented to what Jesus is doing, I’m better able to be honest with myself and with my partners, and we’re able to grow in the friendship that caused us to want to work together in the first place.